


Sometimes A Little Pain Is All That It Takes

by Ithinkwehaveanemergency



Series: I'm Stuck in a Spiderweb [4]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bonding, F/M, I swear, No Spoilers, Original Character Death(s), Relationship Discussions, brief mention of infinity war, mentions of drug overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 04:42:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11798625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithinkwehaveanemergency/pseuds/Ithinkwehaveanemergency
Summary: The first super-serious installment in this series.  Blame Bipolar Sunshine.Peter brings up the fact that while he's been screaming out (unnecessarily) that he's definitely still a virgin, Michelle hasn't said a thing.Or, the one where I finally address the fact that Infinity War has happened, and also refuse to discuss anything about it.  And Michelle opens up a little.  And it means a lot.





	Sometimes A Little Pain Is All That It Takes

**Author's Note:**

> "So tell me, are you happy?  
> Are you living in a world of broken hearts?  
> Tell me, are you happy?  
> Lets get happy."  
> -Bipolar Sunshine

Peter can't stop thinking about MJ.

The smell of her hair, the soft feel of her skin under his hands.

The way she moans his name while they're making out in between classes, as a warning to stop before he gets himself, and her, too worked up to be comfortable in their next period.

The way she hasn't mentioned _anything_ about her relationship history...

They had a brief, but serious, discussion, less than a week after their impromptu makeout sessions became habitual. They were absolutely going to talk about it before they crossed any and all lines, sexually, emotionally, even if it ruined the mood.

They agreed to be the boring, responsible adults they owed it to themselves to be.

Peter is secretly relieved, because for all the confidence that he emits while touching Michelle, the second they stop, he's _terrified_ that he wasn't good enough.

Its irrational, but he consistently has his fears abated by the fact that MJ keeps coming back.

He finally decides they should have the talk about prior _experience_ , the day after they officially become 'boyfriend and girlfriend.'

Peter is terrified of how it's going to go. He doesn't even know how to do this tactfully and respectfully.

They have their books scattered across the library tables, as MJ finishes up her post-practice evaluations, and Peter fails to make headway on his physics essay.

"MJ?" Peter tries to get her attention, reaching across the table with his hand turned up in offering.

MJ eyes it warily, before setting her pencil down. She places her hand in his.

"MJ, please don't be mad at me." Peter starts reproachfully. "I know, you know, and pretty much everyone else with ears knows, that I'm a virgin." MJ sucks in a breath, and he can tell she knows where this is going, so he starts to nervously ramble. "I mean, you obviously know I'm not great at relationships, and I mean I went _to war_ for a month, for crying out loud. And I mean, I didn't have sex with any of the Avengers out there... though I wouldn't mind-" Peter realizes that he's completely off track and cuts himself off.

He holds her hand tightly, and looks her in the eye, trying to convey how much he cares for her and respects her, before continuing. "You don't have to answer this, but... you're not-" He swallows nervously, and she tightens her grip on his hand, urging him to go on, "-you're not as... you're not a virgin, are you?"

MJ's grip loosens immediately and Peter panics. He wants to suck the words back in, feeling like he violated some form of trust, or offended her in some unforgivable way.

"Peter." MJ caresses his hand with her thumb, offering him that little bit of reassurance that she's still there. She still wants him there with her. She shrugs. "No, I'm not. It's okay that you asked. I'm willing to talk about it. I'm not ashamed of it."

Peter lets out a nervous breath, but his stomach still remains in knots at the thought of her having this important part of her history that he knows nothing about. He doesn't want to pry, so he just waits and accepts what she's offering in explanation.

"Last year, I had a friend from my childhood - long before I came to this school - pass away." She speaks calmly, but Peter can tell it was hard to say. He wants to hold her and comfort her, and he wants to assure her that its okay, she doesn't need to talk about this now. He just holds her hand tight. "Peter, I had friends when I was young, but they were nothing like you guys, and I ended up alienating most of them before I even came to Midtown. Most of us went to the PS schools over off Rockaway, and we were inseperable as kids, because we _knew_ that we'd be together forever."

MJ lets go of his hand, stands up and walks to his side of the table. She sits on the table in front of him, her legs swinging, hands gripping the edge of the table, and looks down at her knees as she continues her story.

"Most of us actually are doing really well, and we instagram and keep in touch just a little bit, but most of them pretty much forgot about me, becuase I moved a few blocks away and I'm so busy with my _'fancy ass school' _that I didn't have anything in common with them anymore. Less than a year ago, when you were gone for a month, which was probably why I was being so emotional," she pauses to correct herself when Peter starts to reach for her, distraught, " _y'know, the world almost ended, Peter..._ my old best friend, Gio, came to my apartment for the first time in a couple years at least. I barely recognized him. He didn't look 16, he looked..." Theres a pause, where she takes the time to stare at Peter for a minute, as if realizing something, "he looked tired beyond his years."__

____

____

Peter looks away, the reference to his own appearance not lost on him.

"I let him in," MJ continues, "and tried not to break down as he told me that our old friend Timmy," MJ coughs and looks back down at her knees, "Tim, the adorable, annoying-ass-curly-haired-little-redhead-boy from Rockaway Beach, who was my first kiss during 3rd grade recess, had died of a drug overdose."

"MJ-" Peter scoots his chair forward and grips the backs of her knees, but she doesn't look up. He knows its because shes trying not to cry.

"The shock, the pain, the guilt-" MJ spits out, desperately, "I just needed to feel something else, and Gio was there. And he was in so much pain too."

Peter doesn't need any more explanation, and its obvious MJs done with the story. His heart hurts that he had even asked in the first place, but hes glad he knows. He has never felt closer to MJ. Hes never felt privy to the important life-changing events that changed her into the awe-inspiring person he adores now.

"MJ." Peter stands up and cups her cheek in his hand, bringing her eyes to meet his. Even with watery eyes, she looks as strong and brilliant as ever. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

He curls his arms around her lean frame, trying to engulf her in as protecting an embrace as he would if he were protecting her from a physical explosion. Her long arms encircle his waist and allow him to feel like he's shielding her from the world, because she knows that his bleeding-heart-complex wants to save her from all the pain the world has to offer.

So, despite the fact that they both know better than most, that pain is inevitable, she'll let him.

When she's with him, it's the safest she's felt in her entire life.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the sad. Michelle's story is based on my own story of losing my virginity, and for those of you who don't know that feeling of loss, I promise that while it never goes away, she will feel better.


End file.
